Kicking Ass and Taking Names


Everyday I pick my two-year-old, Brynn, up from preschool and everyday I’m met with glowing reports of her sweetness.  Of course she’s sweet.  She’s mine and Ethan’s and between the two of us we once did something sweet*, so it stands to reason. 

I was completely blindsided at pick-up yesterday when I walked into Brynn’s classroom and her teacher bombarded me with tales of her misguided behavior at school that morning.  I couldn’t believe it when she told me Brynn had bitten a kid, pushed a kid, and hit a third one over the head.  I was absolutely shocked to hear this.  I have role-played with Brynn over and over again that when somebody does something you don’t like, kick ‘em!

What’s the point in fine tuning her conflict resolution skills if she’s going to abandon protocol when she gets into a tight spot?

I get so frustrated when she makes a mockery of the opportunities we provide her with.  Does she think her American Gladiator crown is just going to win itself?

I did phone the mother of Jaws’s bite victim to see if her little one was okay and determine whether or not we needed to retain legal counsel. 

To make it all better, her teacher went on to tell me that Brynn was written up and a copy of her misdeeds was placed in her file.  I drop my beautiful, angelic doll off at school in the morning and by noon she has a criminal record.  My dreams of universities and pedigrees humbly replaced by hopes of juvenile detention center valedictorian.  Should I have capitalized that?  I don’t mean any disrespect to my daughter’s like-minded colleagues.  Juvenile Detention Center Valedictorian is an esteemed honor.  But salutatorians?  Losers.


*embellishment


Jaws

 

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